i want a mannequin, but she won't let me in

HER MINDS MADE UP SHE DON'T WANNA GO STEADY. so I know I've been MIA lately but, I've had people observing my every fucking move. because of hospital, which was sadsadsad, but im free now. free as a birdplanetraineautomobile. I shall update almost daily and I'll get back on track. I'm still 5'10, obviously. But now I'm fatfatfat at 135 pounds, will get down to 110 before summer ends. mark my words.

being sent back to the hospital. wont be able to write for ages. or starve, this is so bad

oh wow. found this off google, but wow. 

you've come a long long way, baby. 

fuuuck recovery okay? fuck it. i'm baaack. can't look at all this fat anymore, its making me sick.
i pretty promise to post more now, this is it. i am going to be 0 kg. low as i can go, just like limbo, but it takes longer.

read stick figure. it's cute.

doblidablydae, alright and as i promised a wonderful (and, she is wonderful) friend off here i shall make a video, buuuuut only when i get to my goal weight because cmon. like i'd get on camera.

looove you all, sorry for abandoning you, will not happen again!

nanananananana

i don't need food. food isn't fuel, food just weighs you down. I'm good, so so so good. for the first time in a long time, lalalala. tomorrow i re-start my exercise routine! ah, that'll be such a pain,

well, for a moment at least, but then i'll realise how beautiful it is, how it helps me be thin. 

after all, the thinner is the winner. 

ahhh, happy days! 

ON ANOTHER NOTE, the diet is going terrific at the moment not even remotely hungry and ah. had two apples so far today, and i think i'll skip the one i'm supposed to have for dinner. 

hey guys, i've been better.
i've gained, had a break down because of this, was hospitalised and now i am back.

for the next three weeks, i will follow this diet:

1st day: fruit, no mangos or bananas or grapes. no drinks other than water.
2nd day: vegetables, no drinks.
3rd day: fruit & veg mix.
4th day:  one banana, four cups of milk.
5th day: one cup of rice and a tomato.
6th day: one cup of rice and veggies.
7th day: on cup of rice and veggies.

a friend of mine lost six pounds per week on this, hopefully i'll lose more.

Two weeks from today, it'll be my birthday, and I will be,

better, faster, thinner.

I know I don't upload much, and honest apologies for that, the weeks just been so hectic with exams and applications and oh lord does time go by fast. I mean, I can almost completely remember my first day of primary and now I'm here. I'm so nervous.

when you were young - killers,  not a song about eating disorders. but i like it lots and loads.

weeell, ski trip on the tenth, packingshoppingpackingshoppingbuyingfreakingoutpacking, 

I've got this fantastically amaaazing ipod app, it's a calorie counter, but the lovely part about it is that you put in your weight, your goal weight, and the date you want to be that weight and it calculates just how many calories you need to eat daily to be that by then! 

I've lost weight! which is super duper. 

I keep fainting, but ah well.

you win some, you lose some, eh? 

HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAVING THE MOST AMAZING TIME WHEREVER YOU ARE DOING WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING! 

I'm going on a ski trip next month! First time skiing since the age of fourteen. So exited.

I'll be rooming with a couple of friends, so I want to get down to a hundred before I go.

Is it strange that every time I lose weight, more and more males become interested?

pfft. men like curvy woman. then why?

anywho! still on a fast. but i'm tiredtiredtired. I might start having breakfast, barely completed exercising today.

Hey guys, added a chat room at the bottom of the blog so if you have anything to say to me, or anyone else who may stumble apon a chatroom on a pro ana blog, go ahead and speak. 

or you can visit the chatroom's site itself: 

http://goaheadandspeak.chatango.com

my weight isn't budging. I'm on a fast. It's stuck, It's not moving. I'm eating nothing and my weight isn't going down, any ideas of why? or what I could do to make it budge?


though I did have a digestive light cookie on new years day, but only that since the 27th.

Pass the cigarettes, take a drag, relax.

Went to see Coldplay yesterday! They were amaaazing. 

honestly had such a great time, the crowd was so into the song, the mood was grand. however it was cold outside, i seem to be cold all the time now, but it was actually cold this time. so, i practically froze.

had a light digestive yesterday (66) for the energy, I've been on a fast though, so I'm being an extra good girl. 

113 today.

113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113113

linkitylink

this song is sososososo triggering, don't even know why.

Happy new year!

114 pounds, finally. 

I've been stuck on 115 pounds for such a long time, that seeing 114 on the scale today, practically made me cry. I'm feeling great, great, great!

 I am invincible. 

I am light. 

And finally, I will get to 110. All my hard work ill finally pay off! 

it's such a greaaat day. 

OH AND, I was so overjoyed by the 114, I haven't had anything to eat. But I've burnt 700 calories on the treadmill!                             i've had -700 calories today.        have i mentioned how much i love today? 

I might not be back on until after new year, so i'd like to wish you all a very lovely new year! 

okayokayokayokayokay.

now that it's almost new years, here's a post about my resolutions.

some being : 

- i will eat no more than four hundred calories a day.

- i will only have my safe foods.

- i will keep my school work at an A average.

and that is it.

stupid hospital.

stupid fat filled diet.

stupid weekly weigh ins.

see? stupid. when something is stupid stupid stupid you can tamper with it. you can make it go your way. because you, my friend, are not stupid.

stupid hospital? i'm out. i'm free. 

stupid diet? I can change. re arrange. pretend.

stupid weigh ins? stuffed socks, bras, undies, drink gallons of water.

so instead of weighing 110, which you really do, you weigh 120.

I have been in the hospital since I last wrote.
Yes, that long. I am sick. I'm so sick and I hate this, and I'm helpless and my bones are weak and my heart is fragile and day to day I go, knowing that I am probably going to pass away soon.
I HATE THIS, and worstly, it makes me eat.

I'm really really deadly sorry that I haven't been active!  But, ah well.
I've gotten into a fancy-shmancey boarding art school which i'm too too exited for.
I've lost, ONLY A POUND since you've last read?
ONLY A POUND.
Working my ass off for a pound. Sooomebody help me.


I think I'm in love and i'd like to be married and move to a very nice quiet town where people ride bikes and burn calories doing everything everywhere. I wish no one was fat. Fat people make me sad. I make me sad, ah, the complications of life.

I leave dubai on wednesday with a broken heart. 

Oh well, you win some you lose some. 

I'm actually better today, a lot better, I mean, what did I expect to do? Marry the guy?

maybe

But no! I am okay, I am okay and happy and not eating. And as I cried yesterday, cheeks snuck into my room and gave me his psp. A strange gesture, but a gesture indeed.

Anyway, I really am feeling better, but I think I'm off french people for the next.. forever.

Hope you guys are doing well! 




Today I'm going to have one boiled egg (80), four mushrooms (16), one grilled tomato (32)

Hello! 


I realise I haven't been posting for a while, let's just say french guy ended up to be a total tête de la merde which really sucks, because he was hot.


Also, I've been eating lately because I've been with him, even thought I could begin being normal, I would cry because of how many calories I was eating, but no, not with him. Not one complaint. douche. 


Don't worry though, I'm heart broken and was just being used for sex. Ah, again?

Guys suck.

Bodies, suck. Bodies allow guys to suck. Sucking, sucks. I'm so bummed. It's actually morbid how I turn to starvation when I'm sad. 

hello, starvation.           I'm sorry, but can I just put it out there that I really, really am an idiot. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, no! That part of my life is cut. I cut it. I do not want it. 

From tomorrow on, I shall concentrate on food, and the calming effect of losing weight. 

I hope you are all doing better then me, and fantastic! 

Au revoir, mon amis.

I'M FEELING GREAT! 

Really, very, extremely, fantastic. I know I've lost weight, even without a scale, I know it! It's extremely cold but ah well. I'm so very happy, haven't been eating very much, and I don't even mind! I can't wait to go back home having lost all this weight. I'm so in control right now, in the zone. 

Tonight dinner with the family, pleasekillmenow, but no! I think I'm pretty good at lying now, I'll be able to get past them. I will I will I will. I'll eat a chicken breast, no butter, no oil. maybe? Probably! And a pickle, well, I might just skip the pickle, which is great, great, great! 

I'm really really proud of myself, all this fat is just like melting off. Serves it right. 

I'll write about what I've had when I get back! 

Oh and there's a guy, I'll call him frenchie, alright? Well, he's french. (Um, hello miss obvious, pleased to meet you.) and he's really very hot, he's staying at my hotel and we're going bowling tomorrow. He's the one that helped me out when I half fainted at the gym, but he's a bit older than me, ah well.

 J'aime les gars chauds française.